if you can’t
beat ‘em
join ‘em
there was an indoor fire
and a sea of people swimming w a giant dolphin
people floating on their backs
i wanted to join them all and be normal.
i have four kids
i walk past a small white home and i have a feeling that i need to go in there. i'm not sure why,
and don't necessarily feel visually attracted to the home but i know i have to go in.
when i do, i see someone i used to know. a woman with dark black hair.
the way i know her is unknown to me, but i know it is under unusual circumstances.
i look around and see a book with a very colorful cover ~
a gorgeous ancient font,
somehow in rainbow bubble letters
against a purple background.
i pick up the book and flip through it.
i know this book.
the lady is watching me flip through,
she watches my microexpressions and knows that i know
whatever it is i know.
as i flip i see hand written notes in the book.
lots of them, graphs and images drawn in blue ink
they're my notes. my observations. my insights.
the book once belonged to me.
she owns this book now, and she is also deeply connected to it.
this book is how we know each other.
i read and find out i have a child, a young one. i am so surprised because i can't remember ever giving birth to anyone.
i have no memories of anything that significant to come out of me.
i ask my mom, or some maternal figure if this is true...
yes
she says i have 4 kids in total. wtf.
i ask where they are, and wonder why i don't remember any of them.
i try to look back in my memories but there is only white blank space there.
i have a sense they aren't fully in this world because they feel so out of reach.
there is another element to this dream where i am being contacted simultaneously by old lovers
but none that i know irl,
except ***** is there.
glad
pirate ship
renting a mini van
vacuum seal bag
great wounded buffalo
****** and i got married. it was a very lowkey wedding.
i felt overwhelmed by the crowd of people so i disappeared for most of it
and left him alone to entertain. he didn’t mind, he loved the attention.
i wandered off to a storage unit with labyrinth like hallways.
i wore a long silky dress, and my feet were glowing.
like my feet looked really good...but they were also
literally glowing with light.
a small crowd of people gathered around my feet to admire them.
simultaneously, i noticed that my hair was in an updo and covered in stuffy fake flowers,
i became visibly upset because i just wanted my natural long hair.
i felt uncomfortable in the dress and situation, i just wanted the comfort of my long frizzy hair.
i turn around mid-meltdown and see a huge wounded buffalo sitting right behind me.
i clear the foot crowd that suddenly appeared except for a couple of friends who are all poc.
we all know how to help it.
back at the wedding the crowd is expecting a slow dance.
i won’t go, there’s too many people there and i’m too shy.
all over
a white foggy beach.the water and sky seamlessly blend together.
i’m walking down a brown narrow bridge
in the middle of it all.
i think it goes on forever....
i’m too consumed by the openness.
dreamzzzᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ
pretty baby
there’s a couch full of babies, one has the small teensy body of an old
shriveled woman. she is decaying way past the point of death
and yet somehow is still in tact in her flesh.
i scan the selection and think to myself “how i can only save one?”
the choice is killing me, and the longer i wait the more we are all dying.
i choose a fresh baby, but i can sense that my choice was driven
by aesthetics and was not necessarily the correct choice.
the fire is getting worse.
i climb a ladder up to the entrace of the basement which is in the form
of a tiny trap door. the ladder is melting and i think i am too.
i toss the baby up to safety and help myself out of the fire,
but it feels like i’m falling as i climb upwards.
when i get to the other side somehow it turns out that the fire was instantly put out the minute i went downstairs to save the baby. i wonder if everyone else is safe
and also why i just happened to make a really difficult decision
for absolutely no reason.
red and blue blobby
a dream where i
met a shadow figure that i wasn’t afraid of.
it turned out to be an angel.
we talked and walked and enjoyed the scenery.
at the end of the loop they gave me a digital piece of paper
it was glowy and gave me a recap about my life mission
and how i was doing on my journey.
i told **** and **** about this experience after my life review
and they reaffirmed how lucky i was to have been given that knowledge.
along the way...
making out w a girl.
many small hills.
bathrooms where i met my past.
big regal empty house.
bedtime.
family wanting to watch a movie at night
but going for a long coffee walk instead.
a red and blue blobby figure watching me from afar.
end of the road.
in a car in the dark
in the passenger side trying to clean it out.
running into ******.
heading to ***** and his gfs where i looked for hand soap
and looked her in the eye while i told her about the girl i hooked up with.
bad reception
calling ****** on the phone
ex answers and intercepts the call
her voice annoys me
2 busy reading thoughts
on a science team with 3 other people.big deal, there is a full ride to yale on the line.
my role is just doing the visuals for the proj but i’m worried i won’t qualify.
******* was there.
one of the guys i was on the team was flirting with me
but he had a girlfriend. it didn’t matter
bc i was ignoring him while on the phone with ******.
i thought he whispered “i love you” before hanging up
but it was actually me reading his thoughts.
the same exact thing happens w the project guy that has a girlfriend.
i can’t remember if i made it to yale.